Should have started it two days ago at 30 – but recent events took over my time…

We are at 28 days until John is home! 

SONNET 116 – Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
To which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends he will,
But which it only needs that we fulfill.

with John in March – an unexpected bonus

*Robert Frost, 1913

…this will make it better:

Thank you, Sweet Alex.

Your Auntie loves you so much - and I haven’t even met you. 

My Green Beret sent me pictures from his deployed location – a training event with his foreign comrades.

A combat photographer took the shots, which I find absolutely stunning.

…especially this one:

Yesterday was such a great day.  My John pinned on Colonel!  I was so fortunate to be there, at his deployed location, for the event – no small task! - and watch him speak to everyone assembled.  It was incredible to stand there and observe the whole thing, and be reminded of the “presence” that he is blessed with as a person.  He has always been one who personifies, for me, the wonderful example that Luke 14: 7 – 11 illustrates:

So he told a parable to those who were invited, when He noted how they chose the best places, saying to them:

“When you are invited by anyone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in the best place, lest one more honorable than you be invited by him;

and he who invited you and him come and say to you, ‘Give place to this man,’ and then you begin with shame to take the lowest place.

“But when you are invited, go and sit down in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes he may say to you,

‘Friend, go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you.

“For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

John’s just always been like that.  He never expects to find favor with anyone – he is just himself.  He never has sought the spotlight – preferring always to do the right thing and know within himself that at the end of the day, doing what is right is what’s important.   So, given the fact that he is so unassuming, it was wonderful to see him rewarded with this rank, in a beautiful setting on the ocean, with the distant port lights twinkling in the fog of a cold February night.

Watching him thank his foreign brothers-in-arms for the honor of their company on such an occasion, and, later, receiving the roses and beautiful sentiment he spoke to me (from e.e. cummings’ poem “i carry your heart with me” which says, in part: “i fear no fate, for you are my fate”) in front of everyone?  Let’s just say it was a truly unique experience that I will never forget.

“Proud of him” and “Proud to go through Life with him” really doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Bravo, John Darling…this was your moment; you earned every bit of it.

*Thanks to Max, for this great response to our news!

“Sometimes, it’s ok not to be happy, Hol – you just have to ‘get through it.’”

So said a very good friend of ours.  And, of course, he’s correct.

These last few days have been tough – lots of indecision about our future followed by finality, followed by buyer’s remorse and second-guessing, followed by resignation.  Lots of last-minute changes and some travel, some of which caused me to miss a long-awaited visit from friends-who-might-as-well-be-family.  Lots of time spent alone to think – which is not always a happy time.

John will be home in less than four months.  I have missed his solid, calm presence more than I can possibly articulate. 

A year is a long time.

Come on June…and Please Hurry.

Unfortunately, my visit overseas didn’t allow me to “ring it in” with John, but I did have the wonderful gift of “everything coming together” so we could spend Christmas with each other.

I took the above picture, after I flew home, when I went outside for a short walk with Spectre, and thought “I’m so glad John and I talked about our goals for the New Year before I had to leave him again.” We did lots of talking – it was great.  We discussed lots of things – private, and personal – but also some I’ll share now:

1. If you can’t do it in the Black, it’s time to Scale Back.
2. Remember that “No” is a Complete Sentence.
3. NO PROCRASTINATING.

We’ll see on # 2 and #3…I’m not good at either one, but they seem like good goals to me.

So Happy New Year from the Two of Us – to all of You.

Love,

Silkmans X 2

We were in the city where he serves – a beautiful-but-dangerous place – and I wanted a picture of us together – I wanted the memory of us together there.

He reached over a moment too late – with his big hand on mine – our wedding rings clinking together – and the timer on my Canon caught us as he leaned in to say: “I’m so glad you’re here” and I turned to say “Wait…”

I value this picture because it makes me remember what I should have said, and should have thought:

“I am, too.”

It’s been a Long Absence again. I have a myriad of excuses – mostly time-related, but also due to equipment. John and I are about to be out of debt after nearly 7 years of carrying around a LOT of it. It’s such a burden, and I applaud those who are good with their money, because I’m ashamed we are not.

Our verse for our marriage is “To whom much is given, much is expected.” – and we believe it, People. So, we continue to give away, but truly, what is the purpose of building wealth? It’s to give, to make a difference, to help.  We can, and should do more – we should not be throwing it away on credit card debt.

So, anyway – we will finally be able to get new computers…MacPros (YIPPEE!) next month. I told John that I’d try and post every day because he wants me to: “I don’t even know what the house looks like anymore, Hol.  Trust me.  There’s beauty to me in what you consider the mundane details.”

Wow. Wife of the Year – RIGHT HERE. 

Anyway, we spent two idyllic days in a faraway place where he will be for the next half-a-year, and ended every evening of that very brief respite (three of them) with steaming mugs and chilly air, and a beautiful, beautiful view.  We talked about the future – and our plans for it.

My favorite kind of conversation.

With my favorite person.